ME and MY BEST BUDDIES
In the middle of a deep sleep, I woke up suddenly. Time check: 3:45 in the dawn. When I woke up, the first question I asked myself is “Why I suddenly awake?”. Gosh, I hate this routine of mine. Sleeping late and waking up early. Wait a minute, why I felt so lonely deep inside. Is it loneliness or more on worrying to something? God knows how I hate to be lonely. That is the last word on earth that I want to know. Since my grandfathers died, I don’t want to hear any death moment. They are enough to let me feel the anger, suffering and the feeling of in depth sadness. How I wish they will come back into my life. I missed Lolo Masong’s jokes and our singing moment. The adventure we experienced using his magnificent mouth and sharing his love story how they met with my grandmother. Sad to say I wasn’t there to witness their love affair ( I am sure I am still in the farthest place on earth that time ). I missed Lolo Lucio’s words of encouragement and his jokes also. Have you observed? They are both jokers, no doubt why I have this talent of having a sense of humor. They are my best buddies in terms of laughing because we believe that “Laughter is the best Medicine”. Not until they left me. I seldom believe on that saying anymore. Before they died, I was very curious on the movie scene where there are burial scenes. I couldn’t help but to ask, “Why they need to cry if someone’s dead? Is is necessary? All of those questions were answered when two of my special someone died. It was very painful that you lost someone who is very important to you. It feels like you are stabbing for a million times. While I was watching him lying in the coffin, I could hardly breathe and I can’t stop to stare at him. Oh Lord, why they need to stop breathing? Why they need to go? Why they need to leave us? The worst is, why they died in the same month “DECEMBER”? I know I don’t have the right to question the decision of the Lord because He is omnipotent and He knows everything above all, but I couldn’t help myself from thinking all of the questions all over again and again. The pain is always there. I know they are now happy wherever they are right now, but am I too greedy if I will say I am not happy without them? I remember when I was maybe 6-7 years old. I asked my Lolo how much is the bread and I don’t have money, he just said “It’s ok, you can “utang” that one. Eventhough I know that my grandma will be mad if she will find it out that but because of his love to me Lolo let me “utang” the bread. Lolo was the only one who continued loving us because right from the start we knew that we are not near to the heart of our grandmother. We are not Lola’s apple of the eye because she thinks that we are just poor like a rat. In spite of that, we are still blessed because the family of my mother loves us so much as if we are like an expensive jewel in the whole world. They are the one who let us feel that we have the right to be loved.
I know that Lolo Masong and Lolo Lucio are very proud of us right now because we followed their values and wisdom. Maybe they are not physically present here but deep in my heart they are always in perfect attendance. No one can replace their love in my heart. If I have given a chance to choose a grandfather in the second life, I would still choose them for they are the best Lolo in the world. I love you Lolos. Wherever you are, I am praying that you will not forget me, that you will still guide me even if it is only through my dreams and imaginations. God knows how much I missed you guys. You did not even say a word before you left me. And it hurts me the most because I want to her something from you, even a single last word because it means a lot to me. You never let me see your face before you died. Maybe you intended to do that because as you know I won’t let you go. I Love You Lolos and I really really missed you!